Forgetting

So recently I've been really busy and have realized that I'm falling behind on things. I mean, I've never been one to attend church regularly, read the Bible every day, pray before every meal and before I go to bed; however, I am one to remember sometimes. Honestly, though, I haven't even been remembering to just remember. Everything has been pushing me away from remembering those things, and instead of pleasing God and His wants, I've been trying to please everyone else and their needs from me. With everything that goes on in life between school, after school activities, keeping up with friends, loving family, and being addicted to facebook, I forget one of the most important things, loving God.
Now, I want to get into the reason why this suddenly hit me today so hard. Ever since I read the book "Left Behind" I've constantly worried about the end of the world. I got so scared reading those books that I literally stopped reading them. I would stay up at night reading over and over Revelations and just break down crying because I'm scared of it. I'm scared that I'll be Left Behind because I'll forget. I'm scared that my friends will be Left Behind. I'm scared my family will be Left Behind. The thing is though, the reason I'm so scared is because I know a lot of my family and friends will be Left Behind.
Then, last year the movie "2012" came out and I literally bawled throughout the whole entire movie. I huddled down in my seat crying. I cried the whole way home. I cried all that night. Sometimes, I still cry. I lay awake at night obsessing that tsunami will come and wash me and my home away and kill me. I'm afraid I'll fall off into the ocean like California did in the movie.
In all truth, I'm terrified of dying. I'm horrified of the unknown. I mean I hope and truly believe and know that I'm going to Heaven and will live forever in peace, but what if I forget to ask for forgiveness from God? Then what? That's what I'm afraid of.
Then, today, I was on facebook, and everyone's statuses were talking about the end of the world, so I looked up and asked my dad, "Why is everyone's statuses about the end of the world?". He said, "Because some guy predicted it to be tomorrow." TOMORROW! I'm sitting here at 11: 30 and the end of the world is supposed to be tomorrow. Right then I realized I had forgotten. I had forgotten to ask for forgiveness recently. I'd forgotten to talk to God. I'd forgotten to do all those things to keep up with myself and to reassure myself that I'm forgiven. (What's funny is that at the same time my dad's telling me this, he's watching 2012 which freaks me out even more since I hate that movie.)
So, I run to my room and grabbed my Bible. I immediately turn to the index because that's the only way I can honestly maneuver in my Bible. I haven't gone to church my whole life, so I don't know it by heart (which I want to some day.) Anyways, I'm looking through the back looking where to go to read about forgiveness. That's when I come across Psalms.
I turn to Psalms and start reading.
Whenever I've ever read the Bible, it's always been a story. A long story that confuses me even though I have a Bible that should be easy to read. Yeah, maybe if I dwelled on it longer I'd get it, but I just have thought to read from beginning to end and I'd get it at some point. No. Psalms wasn't like this. It's not a story to me. It's like I could read it and instantly be talking to God and instantly be talking about myself. It's like the Bible has put my being in that whole part. It amazed me.
I know I'm always going to worry about the end of the world and dying, but reading Psalms for myself was like discovering the cell phone. It's addicting to me now. After I write this, I'm going to get ready for bed and read all of Psalms. Just the fact that the Bible describes me connected me to it. I've honestly never felt a connection to the Bible, but now I do. Now I feel that amazing feeling everyone else seems to get from it, and I'm glad I finally did find it, because whenever I start thinking about dying, the end of the world, the Rapture, and the unknown, I can just pop open my Bible and instantly know what'll comfort me.
I feel relieved, but I still can't figure out how to not be forgetful. I don't want an awakening like hearing about someone predicting the end to be the next day. I just want to be able to wake up every day and remember instantly. I still have to work on it, but now I at least know where I can go when I get scared, so that'll help me remember more often.
Overall, I just think I worry too much, and as I typed those last words, I laughed to myself because I do.